Joke for today

Jokes and funny stories

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crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:46 pm

:yt: :fr: :woohoo:

crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:45 am

We have a new grocery store in our area.
When you approach the produce section you hear thunder and a fine mist rains down on the produce with an aroma is released of a fresh spring day. When you approach the meat isle you hear cows mooing and the aroma of charcoal steaks and onions fills the air.
As you approach the egg area, you can hear hens clucking and smell bacon and eggs frying.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore . :nono: :nono: :D

Ohiotinkerer
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Re: Joke for today

Postby Ohiotinkerer » Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:48 pm

crazyhorse wrote:We have a new grocery store in our area.
When you approach the produce section you hear thunder and a fine mist rains down on the produce with an aroma is released of a fresh spring day. When you approach the meat isle you hear cows mooing and the aroma of charcoal steaks and onions fills the air.
As you approach the egg area, you can hear hens clucking and smell bacon and eggs frying.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore . :nono: :nono: :D



Now that's funny........ :lol:
"Life is a garden - dig it"........... :thup:

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1997 Honda CBR 900RR
1977 MonArk 14 ft jon boat with a 1963 Johnson JW-18 3hp outboard

crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Wed May 24, 2017 2:59 am

80 year old grandma & birth control pills.

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
"Yes Dr, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these birth control pills that
could possibly help you sleep!" :nono:
Mrs Smith reached out and gently patted the young Doctor's knee.
"Yes Dr, I know that. :doh:
But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks, :shh:
And Dr believe me, it REALLY DOES help me sleep :zz: at night." :thup:

You gotta love Grandmas.

crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Sat Jun 24, 2017 2:41 am

Marriage used to be matrimony, but now it is ------ matter o’ money. :D

A man said the only reason why his home was not blown away in the storm was because there was a heavy mortgage on it.

You say that Mr. Jay was your tutor?”
“No, sir.
I said he taught me the French horn.
He taught me to toot--
hence I call him my tooter.”

A man sentenced to death for having two wives, stormed out, :rant:
"How could you do this?
:lolprev: The priest himself told me I could have 16 wives:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." :oops!:

crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:49 am

When Tee-Boudreux was a college freshman at LSU, being fresh out of the swamps, and a rather healthy young man, he figured he'd try out for the football team.

"Can you tackle?" asked the coach on his first day of practice.

"Watch dis." Tee Boudreaux told him, & proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it into splinters.

"Wow" said the coach. "I'm impressed". "Can you run?"

"Mais sure ah can run" said Tee-Boudreaux. He took off like a shot and in just over nine seconds..he ran a 100 yards.

"Great" exclaimed the excited coach.. "But can you pass a football?"

Tee rolled his eyes....hesitated a few seconds & said, "Mais, coach...If ah can swallow it....I can probably pass it". :D

crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:27 am


crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for today

Postby crazyhorse » Fri Jul 21, 2017 2:47 am

Dearest Dad,

I am coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.

As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook , had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks.
Your favorite daughter,
Lilly


THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,

Like Wow! Really? Cool!

Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,
Your Dad

:fr: :fr: :fr: :fr: :fr:


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